Assume nothing
by RogueNinja12374
Summary: Faced with the combined threat of the Akatsuki and Voldemort, Dumbledore decides to hire Ninja from Konoha to protect the school and especially Harry potter, but is everything what it seems to be? Considering that this is my first story, all constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
1. Job request

Assume Nothing

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you recognize from anywhere else.

a/n: "this is speaking in english"

"_this is speaking in japanese_"

'thoughts'

(descriptions of actions)

"SHOUTING"

P.S. just use Google Translate to read the Japanese.

'Damn!' It was another one of those days where Tsunade woke up after having way too much sake. 'No', she mentally corrected herself,'I can never have too much sake.'but even so, Tsunade was still human, and that meant that she had one hell of a hangover.

Just as she was questioning her choice of having five gallons of sake in one night, a man we know as Albus Dumbledore walked into the room.

"Whatever it is, I'm not interested," Tsunade didn't even look up from the desk.

"Actually, I am an old friend of the Third Hokage, Madam Tsunade, and I have a mission request for you. When you're in the mood for this, a folder with all the necessary information will be on the chair across from you.. If you don't mind, I need a reply by August 25th." Dumbledore then walked back out of the door, and Apparated away.

Not long after he left, Tsunade reluctantly got out of her seat and picked up the folder. If it was up to her, she would have just told the old geezer to fuck off and throw the folder out the window, but considering that the village was running low on funds, they had no choice but to accept every mission thrown their way.

_ "Hmm… an A-ranked mission. With that money, we could keep the village running for roughly a year..." 'or buy me enough sake to last two!' With that thought, she summoned Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, Shino, Kiba, Ino, Shikamaru, Neji, Tenten, and Hinata._

_ "This better be worth it, 'cause I was in the middle of a bowl of ramen."(Sakura punches Naruto in the face)_

_ "Okay, as of ten minutes ago, we received a long-term mission request. Fox will be captain, and Wolf will be second. Everything you need to know is in this folder. (Tsunade pulls out folder and hands it to Naruto.)"Any Questions?"_

_ "Can I get back to my ramen?"(Another punch to the face.)_

_ "She was talking about the mission, dobe."_

_ "Shut up, teme."_

_ "Dobe."_

_ "Teme."_

_ "…"_

The bickering continued for about five minutes, then Sakura finally couldn't stand it any longer, and picked both of them up by their collars.

_ "Okay! Both of you, SHUT THE FUCK UP if either of you want to make it out of this room alive!"_

_ "Another thing: I expect all of you to be in this room by ten O'clock tomorrow. THIS MEANS YOU TOO, WOLF! Slug, I will be holding you responsible if he is as much as a millisecond late! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"_

_ "Yes, Madam Hokage."_

_ "Then get out of my sight!"_

* * *

Meanwhile...

"What?!"

"Albus, with all due respect, is it a wise choice to hire assassins to protect Hogwarts?"

"Minerva, I have known this village for years, and I find them perfectly trustworthy."

* * *

Two days later, 8 AM in Konoha...

_ "What the fuck, Sakura?!"_

_ "Tsunade's orders, now get your lazy ass in gear within the next ten seconds if you want to see that book again!"_

(holds lit lighter about two inches away from everybody's favorite little orange book)

"_PLEASE! Anything but that!'_

_ "Ten..."_

_ "Sakura?!"_

_ "Nine..."_

_ "Okay, okay, I'll be down in a minute! Just give me some time to brush my teeth!"_

_ "Eight..."_

_ "Okay! I'm coming down right now!"_

* * *

Tsunade's office, 9:59:59:99

(door bursts of hinges as our favorite gang of ninja burst into the room. Tsunade looks up from paperwork with an intrigued expression on her face.)

'_Hmm... looks like they actually made it here exactly on time for once!_' thought Tsunade, as she finished up the paperwork, '_maybe they really are getting better at this!_'

"_Okay! looks like nobody's gonna die for being late today! Congrats!"_

_ "Speaking of which, how **did** you manage to get wolf to be on time for once, Slug?"_

_ "A threat involving his favorite porn and a lighter."_

_ "Okay, now let's get down to business. You will be traveling by teleportation scroll,"(Everyone groans)" and they will be expecting you immediately."_

* * *

Even in the Wizarding World, where mind-boggling events are everyday occurrences, having eleven fully armed ANBU teleport into the house is not something that happens every day.

"クライアントはここですか?"

"私は知らない。"

"その後、人は誰ですか？"

"のが出て見つけてもらう。"

"カラスは、見つける行く。"

"交戦規則？"

"彼らが最初に叩いていない限り攻撃しないでください。"

"はい!"

Raven then walked over to the order.

"ダンブルドアどこにある?"

"What's he saying, Tonks?"

"Either something about Dumbledore, or potatoes are awesome."

"Which one do you think it is?"

"The one about Dumbledore, 'cause the other possibility is just plain random."

"ああ、私はそれを考える"

"Alastor, would you mind giving them a translation charm?"

"That wouldn't be necessary. Which one of you is Dubledore-sama?"

"Albus is out, just make yourselves comfortable and I belive he will come sometime in the morning tomorrow."

"You sure they're up to the task? they look awfully green to me."

"Yeah! They're just kids!"

The last comment resulted in Neji throwing several kunai, which impaled themselves mere centimeters away from the Order members.

"One more comment like that, and it's the last thing you'll ever do."

"J-just saying, if-f you d-d-dont m-mind, you w-will be sleeping upstairs in one room."

"What makes you think we won't?"

"T-t-then w-what w-w-w-would you w-want us t-to do?"

"Nothing. I was just messing with you, but that look on your face was priceless!"

* * *

Me:'N Cut! Nice job guys! Same time tomorrow!

Naruto: Seriously, how _did _ you manage to get Tonks to pull that off?

Me: A bribe involving taking us to Outback.

Naruto:….

Tonks: I thought we agreed that you wouldn't be telling them that!(Raises fist and starts glaring at me like mad)

Hinata:Okay! How about we leave the squabbling for after dinner?

(Everybody hops in their cars)

Two hours later...

Me: Tsunade! Who knew you'd be addicted to steak and beer?

Anko:Not me, but ever since Naruto managed to find her sake stash after screwing who-knows-what for the Nth time, she's been drinking her heart out in this place.

Me: Then what brings you here?

Anko: He got to my dango too.

Naruto: Hey! How many times do I have to remind you that Kurama has recently developed a Dango and Sake addiction?

Kurama: None, and you'll stop talking about it if you still want to sleep at night.


	2. The Train

Assume Nothing

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you recognize from anywhere else.

a/n: "this is speaking in english"

"_this is speaking in japanese_"

"this is emphasis on the _italicized _word"

'thoughts'

(descriptions of actions)

"SHOUTING"

Special Thanks to symbiotic for agreeing to beta for me.

And in case you haven't figured it out yet:

Fox-Naruto

Cat-Hinata

Slug-Sakura

Dragon-Tenten

Raven-Sasuke

Wolf-Kakashi

Dove-Ino

Eagle-Neji

Beetle-Shino

Dog-Kiba_  
_

Deer-Shikamaru

* * *

The next day...

The Order, along with our gang of ANBU were currently eating breakfast, which primarily consisted of bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast. In the calm and peaceful environment, even our favorite Uchiha has finally relaxed and was actually enjoying the meal, which, according to the ANBU, was a definite first for as far as they could remember.

"Dumbledore-sama, when is Potter-san arriving?" Asked Fox, as he shoved yet another piece of toast down his genjutsu-mask covered mouth, which looked rather disorienting. But at the moment, he _definitely_ had more important things to worry about.

"He should be arriving this evening, if nothing goes wrong, and he will have a hearing at the ministry tomorrow."

After breakfast, the day passed in a frenzy to clean the house verging on outright OCD, and before anybody knew it, it was already 5:30 PM.

* * *

After being bailed out by the Order, Harry thought his day was not going to get any weirder. But by all means, considering that he had been narrowly escaping death in more situations than he cares to count, he was definitely in for a big surprise. As they entered the house, Tonks tripped over the troll leg umbrella holder, resulting in a banshee known as Ms. Black to wake up and start screaming, along with our favorite pink-haired kunoichi throwing another kunai at the painting.

"What was _that?!_"

"She's one of the guards, Harry."

"I'm able to take care of myself! I don't need guards!"

"Come on, you're not _that_ important. We're here to defend the school on Dumbledore's behalf."

'Okay, so apparently anything and everything can and will get weirder.'

"Okay! Hermione, would you please lead Harry to Ron's room and take the guards to the room across from it?"

* * *

Later that night, most people in the compound were woken up in the middle of the night by what sounded suspiciously like either A)a chainsaw, or B)a sixteen-inch battleship artillery peice. After wondering about where the noise was from, Sakura woke Naruto up with a flyswatter and kicked him out of the window. The next day, the wizards would notice a new crater that looked suspiciously like a human shillouette in their lawn. After dragging Naruto out of said hole, Sakura held a glowing fist dangerously close to his face.

"What in the name of Kami was _that_ for, Sakura?!"

"if you snore that loud _one more time_, I swear I will give you a pounding _SO BAD, _that Ibiki would seem like an all-around nice guy!"

"Now, Slug, if you don't mind, I would prefer it if you didn't threaten anyone in this house."

"That wasn't a threat, Dumbledore-sama, that was a promise."

* * *

The next morning passed in a frenzy as Harry prepared to go to his hearing, and the guards were busier that ever, with Choji trying to wolf down as much as possible before leaving, and the rest of them cleaning their weapons and taking inventory for the millionth time.

"Okay, is everybody ready?"

"Just one more peice of toast!"

"Okay then, is everybody else ready?" A chorus of affirmative replies, along with a single "Troublesome," was heard.

"Good, now let's hit the road."

Before exiting the house, the gang henged into ordinary people, most notably Hinata choosing to henge into a twelve-year-old version of herself, which raised some eyebrows among the ANBU, in order to evade detection on the street, as it's kinda hard _not _to notice eleven armored warriors with swords on their backs.

"Interesting..."

"What?"

That resulted in the ANBU trying to outdo each other with outlandish or funny henges.

"Really?"

"What?"

"Trust me, Ibiki and spandex is definitely the worst combination ever."

"At least it isn't as dumb as sitting down in the middle of the chuunin exams to grab a bite to eat!"

"Hey!"

"This better?"(Naruto henges into Hiashi in a leather Jacket with sunglasses, Sasuke facepalms)

"I stand corrected."

"What was _that?_"

"Insider joke."

* * *

Walking into the ministry, the ANBU immediately disappeared, reappearing shortly thereafter on the roof. Quite surprisingly, nobody noticed them, as ordinary wizards usually wouldn't think of looking on the roof, and the ones who did either brushed it off as a stunt by some reckless young interns who wanted a thrill, or literally didn't notice.

"What do you see, Cat?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary yet, captain."

"Good."

"So what's going on now?"

"It seems that the minister is attempting to get rid of Harry, and failing rather spectacularly."

"Any news concerning the Akatsuki?

"Apart from Deidara and Sasori disappearing without a trace from the ninja continent, nothing has been heard from them within the past month."

"If that means what I think it means…"

"Then we're screwed."

"Oh dear, this is getting more troublesome by the second."

"Any ideas?"

"I have a feeling that we're going to be facing the Akatsuki sooner than we think, and with the ministry the way it is, we're going to be on our own."

"Then if the Akatsuki is working with that demented wizard with a snake fetish bent on immortality…"

"His name is Voldemort."

"Whatever, than why aren't they all here by now to intercept Potter-san before we get to the school?"

"Touché."

"Captain, they're leaving the courtroom as we speak."

Upon exiting the courtroom, Harry was literally swarmed by the Weasleys.

"Blimey, Harry, you were tried by full court?"

"Did you get off?"

"Potter-san was cleared of all charges."

"Yay! He got off!"

"…"

* * *

The next week passed in a blur, and before anybody knew it, school was back in session. As everybody prepared to leave the house, with Fred and George accidentally hitting Ginny with their trunks, which were flying at roughly fifteen miles an hour as they were levitated down the staircase.

"Okay, so Cat will be on the train in disguise alongside Potter-san, Eagle will be scanning the vicinity for potential threats from above the train, and the rest will be randomly dispersed among the students in disguise. After entering the school, Cat will continue to stay undercover alongside Harry in order to hold off any possible enemies before the rest of us can arrive on the scene. Any questions?"

"Can I get another plate of that bacon?"

"Why, of course!"

'And Sakura thinks _my _questions are stupid.'

Thirty minutes and twenty plates of bacon later, everybody walked out of the house, and started walking to Kings cross.

"Cat, do you feel that?"

"What?"

"For some strange reason, I feel like we're being watched."

"That's strange, I don't see anything even with Byakugan activated. What do you think it is?"

"Probably nothing, but something doesn't feel right, you know what I mean?"

Just as they thought it was just them being paranoid, Raven noticed that there was an unusual chakra signature in the air.

"Tonks?"

"What?"

"By any chance, is there any spell that can be used to remotely keep an eye on somebody?"

"As a matter of fact, there is. Why do you ask?"

"We have a feeling that we are being watched, yet we cannot detect anybody following us."

_"discute annotata"_

"Okay, that should dispell whatever surveillance charm placed on us."

* * *

Meanwhile, Deidara and Sasori were watching them from a local apartment not too far away, whose owner has been dead for the past month.

"Master Pein will be pleased with how well the plan has worked out."

* * *

Upon entering the train, Harry realized that there weren't any empty compartments. After walking around the train for a while, he decided to sit in a cabin along with Neville and Luna Lovegood. At first everything went normal, well, about as normal as the wizarding world gets, until Neville decides to bring out the mimbelus mimbletonia.

"What's _that_?"

"It's a Mimbelus Mimbletonia, its really rare!"

"Cool!"

"It has the most amazing defense mechanism too, look!"

Neville proceeded to poke the plant with a quill, which resulted in said plant spraying a foul-smelling liquid all over the compartment. Everybody except for Hinata, who instinctively jumped onto the ceiling, and Luna, whose face was behind a book. After apologizing and cleaning everything up, Neville noticed that hinata was on the ceiling.

"Blimey! How did you do that?"

"We learn magic in another way in Japan. Instead of using a wand to amplify it, we train to increase the total amount and then focus it onto our bodies."

"Cool!"

After that, Hermione and Ron noticed that it was time for them to meet with the other perfects, so they had to leave the cabin. Shortly therafter, Malfoy and his goons decided to show up.

(Malfoy looks around, notices Hinata)

"Looks like Potty finally managed to drag a beauty into his cabin, eh? Come on, Miss, I'll find you a more suitable cabin." Said Malfoy, as he held out his hand towards Hinata, while Crabbe and Goyle started having blood dripping out of their noses.

"I chose to come here, and I will do as I please, thank you very much." Replied Hinata, as she held on to his hand."And by the way, next time you try to pick up another date like this, playboy, make sure you don't bring perverts with you as a sad excuse for bodyguards."

Hinata then proceeded to squeeze Malfoy's hand as hard as she could. Considering that she was a Chuunin kunoichi, Malfoy's hand was definitely broken, to say the least.

"Why you little..." Crabbe and Goyle then proceeded to go into bodyguard mode and tried to flank her.

(Hinata leaps six feet into the air, and kicks the duo in the face, Duo crumple.)

"Nice try, twerp, now scram and take your goons with you if you know what's good for you." Hinata chuckled,"Next time, don't go around trying to flirt with girls you don't know."

"M-my father will find out about this, and..." Malfoy stammered.

"And what? Pwoor little baby has to go blubber to his parents, eh? What a wuss!"

That resulted in the unholy trio scrambling out of the cabin, practically running over each other, followed by a avalanche of snickers and comments from inside the cabin.

"Now _that's _why you don't go and screw with Hinata." Naruto stated, after laughing his ass off and appearing from f***ing nowhere.

_"W-when did you get here, N-naruto-kun?"_Even now Hinata couldn't stop herself from turning red and playing around with her index finger, one of the few timid habits Hinata never managed to get rid of.

_"About when you started being totally awesome."_

Suddenly, the entire train lurched to a sudden halt.

_"Captain, it appears that we are currently under attack by some of those masked followers of Lord Voldemort."_

_"Okay, Dragon, Raven, and Wolf, come with me. The rest of you, make sure there isn't a second attack on the train."_

_"Yes sir!"_

* * *

With that, the ANBU dashed to the front of the train, and within twenty seconds, the seven Death Eaters holding them up were strewn across the ground, dead. Problem solved…or so they thought. Not long after that, Hinata spotted a kunai with an explosive tag attached heading straight towards the window.

Relying purely on instinct, Hinata pulled out a kunai of her own, threw it at the one outside of the window, and tackled Harry onto the floor. Shortly thereafter, there was the sound of glass shattering and a resounding explosion echoed through the cabin.

Suddenly Hinata heard the sound of another kunai whistling through the air. 'Shit!' She mentally slapped herself in the face, 'I forgot to check for a second one hidden in it's shadow!' Purely by reflex, Hinata blocked the kunai with her right forearm. 'Thank kami that one wasn't wind-enhanced.'

* * *

To be continued…

* * *

Me:N'cut!

Me:Nice job guys!

Orochimaru:When do I get to show up?

Me:A couple of chapters later.


End file.
